Step one: Apply for Healthy San Francisco. Get rejected due to being pregnant.

Step two: Apply for Medi-Cal. Get rejected based on income. Be told to apply for Healthy San Francisco.

Step three: Call to make Healthy San Francisco enrollment appointment. Be told that you don’t qualify for Healthy San Francisco because you’re pregnant. Mention Medi-Cal told you to apply for HSF because your income disqualifies you for Medi-Cal. Be told Medi-Cal is full of crap and you should have immediately qualified for “shared cost” Med-Cal due to being pregnant. Have appointment made anyway because you sound desperate and near tears and the receptionist pities you.

Step four: Call Medi-Cal caseworker and get busted voicemail. Hang up phone, cry.