Monthly Archives: January 2012

Today I had my first high risk prenatal appointment. I went in at 8:30am and was told it would take a half an hour. I got out at 10:45am. That was unexpected.

First issue: I’m on three medications for an endocrine disorder and autoimmune disorder. The medications had been approved at my first trimester appointment, though that wasn’t a high risk appointment and was at a different clinic. The specialist at the new clinic wasn’t happy when he learned what I was taking. Great.

The medications I’m taking (cytomel, levothyroxine and metformin) pose no risk to the fetus but the specific combination of medications make my TSH difficult to monitor and adjust for, and one may make the results of my glucose tolerance test inaccurate. I have to go back to the clinic at 7am tomorrow morning (ouch) to have labs done, stop two of my three medications, increase the dose on one, and then have new labs run in two weeks to make sure my thyroid doesn’t completely flip out. If I’m either a zombie or a crazy insomniac over the next two weeks, you know why.

Second issue: my last pap smear wasn’t in the computer system. I get them religiously every year, so that bugged. I was wary of having one done while pregnant because any spotting freaks me out. It sort of comes with the territory of having a 45% miscarriage risk vs the normal miscarriage risk of around 10% or something. Anyway. I asked if I should expect bleeding and warned the doctor of my sensitive cervix. She said not to worry and to expect some spotting.

…and then I felt something warm between my legs. For a moment, I thought “Shit, did I just pee myself?!” and then realized “…oh. That’s blood.” I bled so much, it ran out onto the floor. There was a pool of blood on the floor and on the exam table. There was blood on the doctor’s pants. It took a couple of minutes for the bleeding to stop so that I could sit up and clean myself off. That was messy business. The doctor had that “I’m trying to stay calm for the patient :D :D” look on her face, which was not exactly reassuring. Now I am anxiously waiting for the bleeding to stop so I can ease up on the whole “Everything is awesome and okay!” mantra happening in my head right now.

Third issue: apparently it’s rare to have Braxton Hicks early in the second trimester. I had a cramp/contraction/whatever on Saturday morning. It wasn’t painful, just strange. There was a shudder in my abdomen and then it tightened all the way across and stayed that way for about 30 seconds. I wasn’t overly concerned, so I didn’t rush to the ER or anything since I had an appointment scheduled for today. I guess I should’ve at least been more diligent in my calling because as soon as I told the doctor, she said “Ok let’s go get the ultrasound machine and make sure everything is ok.” Everything’s fine, baby was kicking. It was a bit scary when she was eager to get the ultrasound machine though since at my first appointment it seemed like a total chore to get the doctor to use the doppler so we could hear the heartbeat.

Yeah, so hopefully my ONE MILLION upcoming appointments are less dramatic/bloody than the appointment this morning. Assuming my thyroid labs and glucose tolerance test go well, I get to switch to midwife care. Fingers crossed I can leave the high risk BS behind.

  • The unwanted advice? It starts immediately. You might find yourself in a cab with a man who won’t shut up about coffee, so you decide to tell that man, “I’m pregnant; I can’t drink coffee.” in order to shut him up. Then instead of shutting up, that man might spend the whole twenty minute ride giving you breastfeeding advice. Yeah. That’s a thing that can happen.
  • As a woman, you’ll receive zero credit for the conception from the outside world. He did everything. Honestly, you probably don’t even have to be there. The sperm will come shooting out of your partner’s penis and no matter where you are, it will find you. It may be flying and wearing a cape while doing this, and it’s probably fighting off bad guys and saving kittens along the way. No one really knows – it’s not well-documented.
  • Around 5 or 6 weeks, you might have crazy thoughts like, “MY NIPPLES ARE SORE! THIS IS AWESOME! Pregnancy symptoms mean I’m still pregnant! HOORAY FOR SORE NIPPLES!” You will probably be expecting those symptoms to go away though, perhaps during the fabled magical second trimester when people say you feel normal and not pregnant. Ha. HA! My nipples have been sore since October. On a particularly bad day, the blowing wind hitting my chest will make me wince. This is decidedly Not Awesome.
  • Your cat may unexpectedly start sniffing and purring at your nipples. Seriously.
  • You will sleep in the first trimester. All the time. All.the.time. You will sleep while your partner is driving you to the grocery store. You will nap at work. You will go to sleep on the couch at 7pm, wake up at 8pm, and be in bed asleep again by 8:30pm.
  • Maternity clothes? Awesome. No, really. Pants with panels are as comfortable as pajamas. The shirts go on sale lightning-fast and half of them don’t look maternity. I got a t-shirt for two dollars. TWO DOLLARS! I found a nice tunic for $5.50. I want to wear maternity clothes forever.
  • Orgasms in your sleep. In your sleep! Without even trying! Magic! This can also be slightly embarrassing, when your partner is awake before you and you don’t know if they knew what was going on. Awkward. But seriously, magic.
  • Less magical: waking up with carpal tunnel. If you don’t know that pregnancy carpal tunnel is a thing, you might wake up to find one arm numb and/or tingling and you might think “holy fuck, my fetus gave me a stroke!” but then Google will tell you otherwise.

Last night, I had an extremely vivid dream about cooking and eating cheesy french fries dipped in sour cream. I woke up literally drooling, and not the sleepy kind of drool. It was “put a fucking potato in my mouth NOW” drool.

Tuesday night, I dreamed of mashed potatoes, melted cheddar, and crumbled bacon. Monday night, a POTATO BAR. They  had everything. Scalloped, mashed, baked, fries…

…I think the baby wants some potatoes.