State of the Uterus

-Round ligament pain! That’s a thing that’s happening now. It feels like a groin pull that lasts twenty minutes and spreads all over your abdomen. It typically happens about 1/10th of the way into my mile walk to work. Great timing, body!

-My ribs decided to start spreading a couple weeks ago. I could feel them moving. They have since stopped that nonsense. Let’s hope they don’t start up again for awhile.

-Messed up dreams! This week’s dreams mostly revolve around breastfeeding, or rather my inability to do so. My dream-breasts keep on producing things that breasts should not produce! Chocolate, lanolin, water…Yeah, I don’t know.

-I’ve reached that point in pregnancy where everything I do makes me pee a little. If we’re hanging out and you make me laugh, chances are you’re also watching me pee a little bit. In my pants.

-Bending over to put on shoes, shave my legs, or cut my toenails feels a lot like bending over a water balloon that may pop at any second. It’s slip-on shoes, hairy legs, and pedicures from here on out.

-All I want to eat is salad (spring mix, spinach, organic strawberries, goat cheese), chicken nuggets (dinosaur-shaped because I am five), and ice cream (moose tracks). I’m sorry, baby.

-My belly button is getting shallower by the week. I’m not thrilled by the idea of it popping out, but I guess it’ll do what it needs to do.

-Braxton Hicks! My uterus isn’t amused by baby’s backflips.

-My first “OMG IS MY FETUS ALIVE?!” freakout! Baby decided to take a break from kicking and flipping for an entire day last Thursday. That’s completely normal and you’re not supposed to start kick counts until 28 weeks, but that didn’t stop me from getting in a super funk that lasted two and a half days. That was a day and a half too long since baby wouldn’t stop moving the next morning. My baby must think I’m a total jerk. I spent all of Thursday afternoon and evening poking and wiggling my stomach to try and get things moving. Then I played bad music on my belly through my iPhone. Sorry, baby.

-According to the internet, my uterus is now the size of a soccer ball. Whoa.

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